Now that we’re definitely moving, there are times of the day when I’m incredibly happy and excited and then moments when I realize everything we have to do and suddenly want to throw up.
Leaving England for Canada all those years ago was scary and exciting too, but I was so much younger then – just 24. I had never been to Canada – had barely read anything about it – and yet when P. asked if I’d consider moving there, I didn’t even bat an eyelid. “Canada? Sure! Why not?”
We had very little money. We had sold our house in Hull, but we’d only been there a year so the profit was just a few thousand pounds. P. had a job that didn’t pay all that well and I didn’t even have a work permit. In fact, I didn’t even know I couldn’t work without one (and that I wouldn’t qualify for one) until we got there. Not the kind of fly-by-the-seat-of-the-pants decison-making I’d do now, me with my spreadsheets projecting income, expenditures and savings for the next few years. Me with my carefully detailed budget for the move home including everything all the way down to knives and forks for our new kitchen. Me with my web bookmarks list full of pet shippers, and UK home furnishings companies, and removal firms, and ex-pat tax firms.
And yet even though we had thought through none of it back then, it all worked itself out. HMV hired me back and filed it as a transfer so that I could get work papers, we both got promotions pretty quickly, and soon we were earning enough to rent a place, and then a nicer place and finally to buy a house.
So I know I’m worrying too much and I know I should just relax and try not to control every little thing. But it’s so much different now. Moving to Canada was just something I did because it seemed like a fun thing to try. This move is something I want with all my heart. Moving to Canada was something we both wanted, but this move is more my idea than P’s. And of course the biggest difference is that we were in our twenties when we moved to Canada and we’ll be 50 when we go home. You’re braver when you’re in your twenties and less tired.
But if we’re not as young as we were, we’re wiser than we were back then. I’m hoping that counts for something.